May 2008 Archives

A completely by-the-numbers thriller which leaves you not guessing at all. How many "psycho kidnaps someone and forces people to do things to save them" movies can be made? Awful rubbish which wastes the talent of good actors.

I won't waste too much of your time with this. Guy with successful career but a bit of a sharp operator has fabulous Maria Bello as a wife who stays at home with single child. Babysitter arrives to mind kid so that hubby can meet boss in hunting lodge and wife can go out for drinks with girls.

Crazed loon Pierce Brosnan (with worst Northern Irish accent since Brad Pitt) jumps up from back seat of car and tells them their daughter has been kidnapped and to do exactly what he says. This includes taking all money out of bank account and burning it, racing to deliver packages etc etc. Each step sends them further into despair. Every attempt to outsmart him ends in failure.

it all seems to be about the fact that the husband will do anything to succeed and doesn't care who he hurts. Yawn.

Finally psycho drives them to the bosses hunting lodge and tells hubby to go in and shoot him if he wants kid to survive. Shock-horror, the boss isn't in there but his co-worker with whom he is having an affair is. Double shock-horror, guess whose wife she is? Double yawn. Psycho Pierce forces him to pull trigger. triple shock-horror, gun is empty.

Lots of harsh words about what meanies they both are for ruining his life by having the affair.

Hubby leaves and lies to wifey saying that the boss had been having the affair.

Back to house where, of course, kid was never in any danger at all. Then quadruple shock-horror, we discover that wifey is responsible for the whole thing as revenge when she found out about the affair. All of the horrible things were to make hubby understand the feelings of despair and loss.

At this point, just as the credits rolled, I fell into a coma.

Garbage. Avoid.

So it's in Slough, not Windsor but turned out to be an almost ideal base for several days whilst we went to Legoland. Inexpensive with lots of facilities in an easy to find location.

When planning our Legoland trip, we asked around about hotels and this one came up (but with varying opinions). We decided to go for it based on the very low price and seeming proximity to the resort. On our arrival in Heathrow, we collected the hire car and headed up to the M4 following directions from Google Maps.

So don't ever do that! Google sent us to the correct road but in the wrong town and on the wrong side of the motorway. Some friendly locals directed us and we arrived quickly to find a pretty tired looking massive building in Slough.

Check-in was easy and initial impressions were excellent. Two big adjoining rooms of high quality with massive beds.

We ate in the bar restaurant the first night (unfortunately the pizza oven was broken) and got a decent enough meal for us and the kids. Nothing special but delivered quickly and quite child friendly.

Breakfast on both mornings was excellent with a full range of cereals, hot fry, juices etc etc. We ate outside on the first morning which was fun. We also discovered that there was a small playground which the kids loved and enabled us to have a more relaxing breakfast.

It's right on the M4, two exits up from Heathrow but you only hear traffic if you open the windows. The sound insulation was fantastic and we never heard anyone else when we were in the room.

Windsor is just one exit up on the motorway. The first morning took ages to get there because traffic was backed up from the exit, all the way through Windsor, out the other side and up to Legoland. By comparison, it took us less than ten minutes to get there on the second day.

The pool in the hotel is free and was of very high quality with family rooms and private changing rooms.

I was shocked to find that the rooms were only £46 per night including breakfast! The only fly in the ointment for me was the stupid price for wifi. £6 per hour or £15 per day. That is three times what I'm willing to pay. Most hotels I stay in over in the US provide it for free. It would actually be a reason for me not to stay there on business trips.

Top tip - there is a garage and Tesco Express a few minutes up the road. Perfect for all those kiddie snacks, drinks and final car top-up before you return it to the airport.

If you are doing Legoland, you won't go far wrong with this hotel.

If it's a choice between watching this movie or watching paint dry, go with the paint. Another "worthy" mind-numbing waste of time and money.

Tourist in Morocco is shot by gun used by two kids which was given to someone they know by Japanese tourist whose daughter is deaf. Children of tourist go to wedding in Mexico, disappear and are found. The end. I've just saved you a few hours of your life. You should be grateful

The most stupid film I've seen in two months and I wouldn't change a second of it. Not perfection like Kingpin but belly-laugh brilliant and worth watching just to see Will Ferrell in a leotard.

The acting is all hammed and the ice-skating is hilarious. It works because it doesn't try too hard, they know you'll laugh just looking at the screen.

Yes the plot is retarded but there actually is one. Two vicious ice-skating rivals have to share Gold in Stockholm. They fight on the podium and are banned for life. Four years later one works in a shoe shop and the other is a drunk in one of those "On Ice" shows. The Stalker of one points out that there is nothing stopping him from entering the pairs tournament in Montreal.

Yes you guessed it, the two old rivals become the world's first all-male ice-skating pair. The mutual loathing provides some fantastic nut-shrinking physical humour and of course this leads to them actually ice-dancing together at which point I had snot shooting out my nose.

The competing team could have been more developed as comedy characters. Will Arnett (Gob from Arrested Development) is a bit wasted in it but he has some good one-liners.

It's crass, silly and utterly harmless. If they got rid of the whole silly "sex-addict" plot-line, you could show it to a five year old. I'd happily watch it again.